Wayne Dyer has a saying, "What other people think of me is none of my business." Sounds great, but how good are you at not factoring in other people's opinions about your actions? We all want to be liked, but we should never want it at the expense of our happiness. When we validate who we are through others, we rely on their view of us, not what we know about ourselves. Do you know who you truly are?
When someone's opinion negatively impacts us, there is a disconnect in how they see us and how we see ourselves. We either internalize their opinion and adopt it as who we are, or we set out to prove it is not valid. Trying to prove who you are to others compounds more complications to the situation. When you give your identity to others and allow their impressions to become how you perceive yourself, you lose out on who you really are and who you can become. The only reality you can see for yourself becomes how you believe others see you.
When you are impacted by the opinions of others, here is how to realign with your true self and happiness.
Focus on the big picture.
When you make what someone else thinks more important than what you think, this minimizes the bigger picture you have for your life. One opinion should not derail your life vision. Your life vision was given to you and no one else. You are the one to create it. Remember, if you were given the picture, you would be given the provision. Why you want something needs to become more important than how. When you focus on your why, the path and pace become irrelevant. You want your dreams because you believe they will make you happy. Make your happiness your priority.
It is your life. Live it.
No one but you are living your life. Everyone can have an opinion, but the only person with all the details and who knows what is best for you is you. And that means you need to learn about yourself through your own mistakes and failures. People who are not on your path will want to have input, but only you know what you go through mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to show up and keep going. Trust that you are never losing; you are always learning. No one is born with all the answers. Learning and leveling up is a lifelong process.
Know what constructive feedback is.
There is a difference between feedback and constructive feedback. For important decisions, you may want to seek out a few opinions from people you trust--and then forget the rest. Always select people who know how to give feedback that's constructive and specific. Choose people who want your happiness, just as much as you want it. One way to discern if feedback is productive or not is to focus on how it feels. If you believe someone is telling you something to tear you down, chances are they might be. If someone is sharing information on improvement, consider it. Feedback, like love, should be expansive, not restrictive.
The negative comments someone makes are about them and not you.
Know the difference between an opinion stated and a person's projection of fear, doubts, or beliefs. When someone says something, it could be about their fears, not about who you are. Most humans listen and project life from their point of view. Practice listening mindfully to what others say. Consciously listening is about seeing beyond their words and tuning into their intent.
You can never know for sure what someone thinks unless you ask them. Someone's words or actions may be interpreted by your fears or past interaction with them. Instead of creating scenarios of what they think about you, ask them. Better yet, acknowledge that your thoughts are your opinions and may not be accurate. Make other's opinions irrelevant to your decision-making.
Don't try to please everyone.
It's impossible to live up to everyone's expectations, so don't burn yourself out trying to do so. Please yourself and let the rest fall where they may. Some people may dislike you and don't even know you, and that's okay. Be okay with other people not liking you. For example, you have foods you don't like, allow others to have people they don't like. Most people don’t like people that mirror something they feel uneasy about in their lives. Never take someone’s feelings personal. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they know.
Remember, you are responsible for your happiness. Make your love and appreciation of self unconditional to others.
Until next time.
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