When someone hurts you, it can disrupt your life in ways you did not prepare for. Holding on to the pain can have serious implications on your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. You are advised to forgive them and move on, but there’s more to forgiveness than only ‘letting it go.’
Forgiveness is a process. It is the process of stopping the unhealthy emotions that surface as a result of someone else’s actions towards you. It is not about finding excuses for the offending person’s behavior or pretending it didn’t happen; it is about releasing the negative emotions you feel. Hurt can hold you back from thriving. There are no quick paths to forgiveness. Forgiveness heals you, thus making you the primary beneficiary.
If you are finding it hard to forgive someone, we want to share a few thoughts that can help you move through the process.
Focus on your feelings, not their actions.
When you are questioning why someone did what they did, don’t. People handle situations differently, and sometimes their actions can hurt others. What you think should be common to all, unfortunately, might not be common to some. You just believed more in their ability to do better than they did. Their action has nothing to do with you. It's all about them. Don’t try to figure out why they did what they did; focus on how you want to feel at this moment.
Face your feelings.
It's ok to be angry, sad, or hurt. Just admit how you feel and flow with it. You have been hurt, and you have been hurt badly, it is done. Yes, it has happened, but it does not define you. It is ok to feel hurt from the experience, don’t be upset with yourself because you do. Let how you feel just pass through you, don’t fight it, accept it. There is nothing wrong with feelings.
Don’t compromise your beliefs.
Refuse to compromise who you are by fighting against becoming who you are not. You are a kind, loving person that expected the same from another, yet you were betrayed. That does not change your ability to be kind and loving. Sometimes we have to learn who we truly are from others. How you respond defines you, not them.
Move on.
Choose to move on from the situation. Moving on means that you decide not to let the past define you, your worth, and your life. You have had so many positive experiences and wins in your life, remember those, let them become part of your life picture. Choose to recognize the entire picture of your life versus just one chapter.
Remember you.
Who are you? What makes you happy? Start to reconnect with you again. Start with remembering your dreams, hopes, and desires for your life. Don't let one setback keep you from going after all you wish and work for in your life.
Focus on the positive.
When you feel that you are getting angry, try to reach for better feelings. This can be a hard task to master, but with practice, you will overcome it. Focus on doing something that will bring you joy. When you feel anger coming in, listen to some of your favorite music, read something funny, watch a movie, overall distract yourself with something positive.
Create.
Use a negative situation to create a positive ending. We all go through things that impact and hurt us to our core. Use this life-changing situation to propel you toward a more positive path in life. Sharing how you have overcome hurt or working to overcome it can help you heal. Focus on sharing your success, not the situation. This can help you feel better while you help others improve how they think. Knowing you are not unique in your experiences can help you create a positive emotion towards moving forward.
Ask for hope.
Use the power of prayer to see past what you are experiencing. A belief that there is better helps you forgive and move forward. Hope for better is a powerful healer. Trust you won’t go back, so don't look back.
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